Whole lot of randomness.

Where am I going with my life?

Some days I work so hard to figure that out, other days I feel like my life will forever be an open book with constantly flipping chapters.

Is that so bad? To flip chapters constantly, that is. I've always been one to be bored easily. That's why I wound up with Brad. He was the first guy I met who could keep me on my toes. He's always ready to try something new, go somewhere different. He didn't treat me like a queen. He treated me as his equal.

I didn't want to move to Maryland. I still don't want to stay here forever. But where to next? Do we head back to Charlotte? Maybe. Do we head to Florida? It's a possibility. So many people say that when you get married, you're "settling down." I don't feel settled down. Then there's other people who say when you get married you give up a sense of spontenaity, your ability to just up and move whenever and wherever. I disagree. We're considering that move. We're seriously considering moving 17 hours away. Just because we liked it there on vacation.

Is that really so crazy? We're young, as long as we find jobs we have nothing to hold us back from it. We don't have a mortgage, we won't have to sell a house. We don't have a kid or plans to have one soon.

Everyone talks about Florida as a place to go for retirement. Why wait? If it's paradise, then why wait until you're old to enjoy it? If I think our quality of life will be happier there, why not?

What if we don't like it? Okay. We move. Worst case scenario.

I am 3 classes away from finishing my master's. I found my dream job in Charlotte. It's definitely a long shot, but then again...so was Johns Hopkins as a graduate school. Look at me now. If all keeps going well, next May I will walk away with a master's degree from a graduate program ranked #32  in the country. If you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've never believed you. I'm not *that girl*.

Shoot high, reach for the moon. Who cares if I fail? I'm not afraid of failing anymore. I have my husband, my family and friends to catch me if I fall. It's not me against the world anymore. I'm in a secure place in my life, even if I feel like it's a constant flipping of the pages.

Failure is life. Life is not perfect. I'm not perfect. I fight with my husband. But I love my husband. My friends annoy me. But I still love my friends. My family frustrates me or makes me sad sometimes. But I do the same to them. I'm not concerned with putting on this facade of perfection. It's not me. That kind of pressure put me in a bad place in my life years ago. A place I'm not interested in returning to.

Why do I let other people's lives bother me so much? When I see someone doing something stupid, I want to shake them and ask them, "WHAT PART OF THIS DID YOU THINK WAS A GOOD IDEA???" A few years ago, I would've called them out. Now? They're big kids. If they want to screw their lives up...it's really none of my concern. As much as I wish I could make them listen to reason...I can't. You can't tell someone things they don't want to hear. It just doesn't work.

I'm not afraid of failure. I'm not even afraid of disappointing anymore. I think I'm afraid of settling for less than I should.

I'm thankful for my husband, who encourages me to pursue my passions as opposed to a salary. I'm thankful that he recognizes talents I have, even when I don't see them. He sees the joy I have when I do certain things "just for fun" and he encourages me to pursue them. I got a top of the line digital camera for Christmas this year and a telephoto zoom lens for my birthday. Just because he thinks I take good pictures and knows how much I love taking them and then putting them into graphic design creations. I had no idea a camera was coming. It had never even been discussed. He saw my passion that I didn't even see and wanted to encourage it. He wants me to look into selling my pictures at local festivals. He wants me to spend more time doing these things that I love. It's something he didn't have to encourage.

My life is good. My husband loves me. My family loves me. My friends love me. I'm doing well in school and the end is in sight. I have a good job that will give me great experience in whatever my next phase in life will be. I have the two most adorable, loving pups on the face of the planet.

I have no idea how life could be much better.

Unless we were living in Florida and I was laying by the pool with a glass of wine in my hand.

I'm just saying.